February 2012
pjxel:
why do I exist I’m like the internet explorer of real life
When Monsters Inc 2 comes out in November. →
wowfunniestposts:
Little kids waiting in line.
‘Mommy I wanna be the first one to go in’
Me
‘I’ve waited 11 god damn years for this, I will be going in first’
When your friend gets to leave early from class
epic-humor:
me: I should go shower now
(five minutes later)
(another five minutes later)
(yet another five minutes later)
(more five minute intervals)
someone: (goes into the bathroom)
me: wow fuck you I was JUST about to go take a shower
My shyness has ruined so many good opportunities.
beaaaatrix:
thefunniestpost:
5 tags
LAPTOP ISSUES
Seriously? It’s only been a month and I’m already having problems with my laptop. IT KEEPS DISCONNECTING FROM THE INTERNET. What is wrong with me?? I DESTROY TECHNOLOGY.
me: i'm so bored..
unfinished tasks: um
4 tags
HOLY SHIT CAKES BEN & JERRY’S COOKIE AFFAIR IS LIKE SEX IN MY MOUTH
This is no joke, it really happened in my first...
My EMR instructor: You arrive at a scene with a patient laying on the ground. You check their level of alertness and they appear unconscious. You have already opened their airway with an adjunct and are administering oxygen.
What do you do next?
Student: Call 911!
My EMR Instructor: YOU ARE 911.
so I wonder what it's like for their kids
Daughter: But Mom I'm too lazy to clean my r-
Katniss: WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE
Katniss: I HAD TO KILL CHILDREN
Katniss: SO I THINK THAT YOU CAN
Daughter: Mom you always pull this speech on-
Katniss: CLEAN YOUR GODDAMN ROOM
Peeta: ALSO
Peeta: YOUR MOM DID IT ALL FOR THE GAMES
Peeta: SOMETIMES I WANT TO CHOKE HER OUT OF NOWHERE
Daughter: Dad why are you even-
Peeta: MY LEG IS GONEEEEEEEEEEEE.
archaeosaur:
social anxiety is when successfully ordering a pizza over the phone makes you feel like a fucking champion
Teachers: Don't talk to strangers online.
Parents: Don't talk to strangers online.
Everyone: Don't talk to strangers online.
Someone: So, what's your hobby?
Me: Talking to strangers online.
kdaigon:
6 stages of fangirling
discovery “who is that sex god and why haven’t i noticed him before”
research “i have to find out everything about him omg what is his full name what is his birthday do you think he has a wife does he have children does he like jam does he like cats i wonder what photos there are of him is he even real omg”
obsession “i love him so much omg what you like him...
